what could've been worst?

I don't know where to start. seriously I don't. I think I am really at my lowest right now.
I don't feel happy, I don't really have someone who could understand me better like my bestfriends during my matriculation and school years.. srsly, there's nobody that I could rely on here. I don't feel happy doing what I'm doing. no matter what it is.. be it the course that I'm taking, be it curricular activities. I don't feel like I'm enjoying it that it makes me feel depressed! I feel like crying but I always try to hold it like an idiot because I don't want anyone to notice it. I mean I hated to look like a stupid moron who have a fragile heart who doesn't do anything apart from crying. I hate being weak. but I know I am a moron who pretends to be strong when I'm not. Now I feel like crying already.. you know, earlier this day, I have this determination to release my stress with running activities at the running track tonight. but nothing works for me. I mean, it's already night and guess what? it's raining outside.