I'm okay now.

I've been in a quite emotional breakthrough..I was confused with what I want in life.
I felt lonely, miserable, depressed, you name it, it was all negative stuff that clump together inside me. but now, I'm getting better. I'm healing. those things still hurt me but I believe that soon it will fade away and I'll be free. most people would describe me as optimist but I'm not. I'd probably be the most pessimist person you've ever met. it was hard for me to accept people in my life. I'm afraid of losing so much that I find it hard to accept people in my life. but I'm trying my hardest to heal myself. so, cut the crap and let's move on to another thing that I would want to tell you guys..

so, I got a couple of new friends known as Nurin and Yaa that I knew from the club that we joined. the three of us grown fond of each other since our club's camping trip. both of them were younger than me by a year. since we were quite close to each other, we quite know what's been going on in my life. they both are in a relationships which means that they were already taken. and they were quite suspicious of me cause I never talk about boys or anything like that which in the end, I decided to tell them that I don't have any boyfriend. and they were like "ohh..." and I also reveal that I never had someone special in my life. I've been single the entire time of my life which of course gave them a shock. Nurin even said that she wanted to introduced someone to me which I refused. Then, I told them that it was my choice to be single. I have so many things that I wanted to achieve in my life and I prefer not to waste my time chasing boys. I don't have that mindset of being afraid for being an oldmaid. At least, let me have my Phd before I can get myself someone special. I wanted to achieve so much that I don't want to find a someone special. I wanted to get married of course. But not now, not in 5 years.

the issue is that, most of my friends whom had a boyfriend would always makes it feels like it was pathetic of me of not having a boyfriend. most of them would say things like "oh you're old enough/you must find someone now or else, you won't get married blablabla.." I mean...come on guys! I respect your decision to have a boyfriend. so, at least, please respect my decision to stay single. we all have a different purpose and different goals in life. so don't judge others by what they have chosen. it is mean and rude. I'm already happy as I am. I believe that there's no one would be able to take care of me as much as my parents did. I'm grateful and happy as long as I have my parents with me. So, I don't need anyone else (specifically a boy) to replace my parents position. maybe someday, I'd need that someone in my life but not now. For now, just pray for me so that I can achieve my dreams of getting a Phd.. I just wanted to make my parents happy and proud of me. that's all I ever wanted for now.